Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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