Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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