My first STD was from a foam party
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i came on her dog
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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