He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
