Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The adults are the big ones right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
