The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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