I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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