I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
