We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
