it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
