Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
