Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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