ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
