There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
