forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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