its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
