I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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