Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize