Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
