Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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