the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
