I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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