Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just high enough for therapy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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