I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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