I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
