if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize