I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
