You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
