No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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