Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize