Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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