This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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