Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
