I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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