I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize