Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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