If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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