I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
