I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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