So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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