my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
try to milk me bitch
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