I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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