Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
