I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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