RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
