yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
