you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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