Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
