If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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