i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
