he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize