So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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