Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
