Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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