I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
