Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
