I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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