There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
