I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
