the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
