For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
