I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
