i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize