Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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