I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
