bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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