OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
