I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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