Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
