Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
