Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize