I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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