I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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