I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
