I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize