I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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