Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are my feet made of real feet?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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