I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize