my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
