there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
