Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
