I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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