So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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