I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
