At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
