I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
