Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize