if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize