What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
