it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
