she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
