Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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