it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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